There are a lot of really dumb corny sayings about how life goes fast and sometimes you don't realize that until you're looking back blah blah blah don't miss out remember blah blah blah life is fast!!
It's true, though.
I just snuck into the guidance office to leave a note for all the seniors. I'm excited for them to graduate. I'm excited for them to explore college, excited for them to fail, but only excited about that because I'm excited for them to learn from it and grow in doing so.
I really am kind of amazed that the next time I head back to Dartmouth, it will be permanent. I mean, I'm still crashing on couches (thanks friends you rock for that, by the way), but this time there's no heading back on Sunday afternoon, no more jokes about how I'm only sort of on an off term. I finished my off term. I'm coming home.
I just had a lot of very profound, articulate thoughts as I was walking through the empty hallways on my way home and they are not anywhere near this blog post.
I'm glad I didn't really have to say goodbye. I don't like goodbyes very much; if I want someone to not be in my life, they won't be. If I want someone to be in my life, I will do my best to ensure that is the case. At any rate, goodbyes just aren't necessary. They're just this dumb formality, really. It's not goodbye so much as Okay so maybe we won't be seeing each other in person any planned time in the near future. That's all.
I was on a field trip today, which rocked, because I spent ninety percent of it chilling (if you can call it that, sup ninety plus degree weather) in Bryant Park and I also got to hang out with my dad for a while (hi dad! that was fun!). My last real day in school was supposed to be yesterday, because field trip today, but there was a freak storm, a mini-tornado or something that brought down a ton of trees and power lines and knocked out most of the city's power, so school was randomly cancelled on Thursday, leaving me without a real last day. Whoops.
Have you ever felt like you're stepping in on somebody else's life? Since pretty much every job I've ever had has been temporary, I always feel like I'm just sort of around for the time being. A pop-up ad just kind of abruptly appearing in other people's routine situations. Like, I had this great show where I got to perform a whole set of my original songs at the place where I go to open mic night, and afterwards I jammed with this guy who plays there regularly and it was a lot of fun, and he was all We should do this again, and I had to be all, Yeah, that'd be so cool except for the part where I don't live here. I have too many emotions and attach myself vehemently to so many situations and people, and it is so weird to feel like I'm just popping in briefly on someone else's real life. As if what I'm doing isn't real life, because it's just temporary.
The way I get around this, I guess, is by reminding myself to be present. So when I'm jamming with this guy at our show and I think about how I'm just sort of here for this one night, I remember that I am in fact here and I should enjoy that and be here now. So I do. Not just at the show, but I tried to do it in school as well, tried not to pretend that I would be peacing out so quickly but tried to remember about my impending departure and use that to be more invested in whatever I was doing that hour or day or week.
Anyways, I woke up at 5:30 this morning and I'm really damn tired and it's kind of crazy that this is my last night living here. And so it goes.
Love,
Jamie
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